cats choose you

i took a walk this morning and saw a playful cat jumping at something in a yard as i walked by. i had the thought that i would probably want a cat like that, if i were to ever have a cat. a while ago somebody told me that when a person goes to adopt/purchase a cat, the surest way to get one you'll like is to let it choose you. i almost feel that this is reason enough for me to never get a cat, but maybe it's just some hidden insecurity that no cat would ever choose me. or that the cat that would choose me would be a loser cat. the thing is, i have been chosen by cats. it's just usually as the target of angry cat aggression.

jeremy's sister, sarah, has a cat named frances. even from the time that frances was a helpless little kitten, she chose me as the family member that she was going to swat at from under the bed while cuddling up next to everyone else. maybe she could tell that i'm not original linneman blood. last year at Christmas, i was in our room at the linneman's house in kc and was getting ready for bed. i had brushed my teeth, washed my face (okay, i probably hadn't washed my face because i actually don't really wash my face every night - is that weird?), or not washed my face, put on pajamas, and was walking toward the bed when frances struck. she had been in this room with me for nearly 20 minutes, just waiting under the bed for me to approach it so that she could attack.

i've also been chosen by a stray cat that likes to sit on our front porch and move at the absolute last second before i put my foot on the first step. then the little terror doesn't even run away but merely sits in the bushes right next to the front porch until it can reassume its position in front of my house when i've gone inside. i've had to dodge it multiple times for trips in and out of the house unloading groceries.

in addition, multiple cats from various stages in my life have nearly attacked me much to the delight and surprise of their owners who usually just laugh it off and say how she allllways jumps from one couch to the other and lands right behind your head, and even though it looked like she was coming right for me, she just wanted to be in the sun.

i was talking to a volunteer this morning about the mice problem we have in our sweet little cottage and an eavesdropping customer suggested i get a cat. strangely, i somehow withheld all that i have just shared with you about my relationships with cats, which is very odd because i had been consciously thinking about cats pretty much all morning. she said that the smell of cats is enough to keep mice away. she said it was the most natural way. we had an exterminator come yesterday and put out traps with poison that will make the mice crazy and cause them to run out of the house and die outdoors rather than in our walls. that probably would have offended her so i kept that to myself as well.

i don't even like cats. why did i just write about cats? who likes cats, anyway?

true.

i woke up this morning with "the voice of truth" by casting crowns in my head. a bit out of nowhere but wonderfully appropriate. besides the killer rock-out "the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the grounnnndd" part that i always have to turn down for fear of somebody outside the car/house hearing it and besides the fact that i actually haven't listened to it since i drove an explorer, the lyrics stick with me:

but the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says do not be afraid
the voice of truth says this is for my glory
out of all the voices calling out to me
i will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

okay, so maybe it's cheesy, whatev. last night at community group, we discussed having a son/daughter view versus an orphan view of ourselves in terms of God. of many significant statements, one that remains on my mind is that if we imagine the Lord's face as anything less than overjoyed when He thinks about us, we have fallen into a performance mindset. i think i very often imagine God having a kind of, well, just an "eh" kind of face or an almost scolding "what are you going to do to make that better?" face when He thinks of me. but overjoyed? rejoicing over me with singing? you mean i don't have to approach Him every morning hoping that what i have to say that day will be approved?

this morning i finished reading hebrews. 13:8 reads "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." this is one of those sentences in the bible that i would typically (and sadly) tend to ignore, fearing that quoting it would come across as too cross-stichy, if you can picture with me these words framed on a wall. but this morning the words were deeply comforting. i realized that the reason i imagine God's face as "eh" is because i think He changes how He sees me every morning. but if my relationship with God is based upon my salvation in Christ, and He's the same yesterday, today, and all days in both directions, God can't see me as anything but His completely loved and completely accepted daughter. and i can/should/need to believe that over my early-morning-fatigue-becomes-anxiety. the voice of truth. wonderfully, there is infinitely more to discover about God and i'm just getting my little taste of it for the day. i'll let you know what else i find out.

sarah and dan's wedding is this weekend. i was at target last monday and decided to buy their present early. i bought them a shower curtain off the registry. i was very proud of myself for making this purchase before the day before the wedding, so i told sarah how excited i was to have the present already. and she replied "if it's anything like the shower gifts, i'm excited!" what's funny is that it is absolutely nothing like the shower gifts which were unique, fair trade items from the store in which i spend 40 hours a week. instead it was a shower curtain, which, i mean, is that still like a shower gift simply by being a gift for use in the shower? i have since decided that i do not want to give her this shower curtain and will instead give her something from the seed that is unique, fair trade, etc., but i can't help but love the irony of "no, it's not like the shower gifts, it is a shower gift."

also, today is the four year anniversary of jeremy and my first date. it was march 12, 2005 and we spent 14 hours together. i'll tell you about it sometime. oh, love. :)

recap

we're back!
annnd burnt.. some of us worse than others.

i, having grown up a mcdonnell and granddaughter of the legendary grandma wolf, who spent 3 months every winter of my childhood in hawaii and i'm pretty sure has never used an ounce of sunscreen in her life but did at one point in my early years suggest some that contained paba, which i think was found to damage dna or something, actually wanted to get burnt so that it wouldn't fade too much before sarah's wedding this weekend. jeremy, however, did not grow up under this influence and i dare say that his skin having not been exposed to summers of repeated innsbrook scorching, felt the burn. friday night was quite a sight as his poor bright red and hot to the touch back turned cool wet washcloths into uncomfortably warm wet washcloths and soaked up aloe vera gel by the glob. i think it's getting better now, but a car ride with no air conditioner probably didn't help. the babe is tan now too.. is that bad? i haven't yet googled "pregnancy and sunburn"..

all in all, vacation was lovely. highlights from our travels include but are not limited to:
- a round trip on only 4 tanks of gas - thank you, wonderful honda accord.
- a room upgrade landing us in a beautiful 9th story pool-view/beach-view room with a balcony
- a mini-fridge in aforementioned amazing hotel room allowing snickers ice cream bars and ben & jerry's
- publix (yeah, i'll link to a grocery store chain), quite possibly the best grocery shopping experience of my life and the greatest generic branding i've ever seen
- awaking to natural light every morn around 7
- an early-morning beach stroll on one such morn followed by breakfast at waffle house followed by a 3-hour nap followed by laying out by the pool. yep.
- fresh catch-of-the-day dinner (or at least fresher than what we'd find in mid-mo) at the gulf shores steamer
- jellyfish! big jellyfish washed up on the beach!
- fool's gold starring matthew mcconaughey & kate hudson (please watch this movie if you get a chance)
- my travel (and life) companion, jeremy s. linneman, in all his vacation-mode glory encouraging 16+ hours of roadtrip conversational bonding (although at one point, after what seemed quite a lengthy conversation, i did resign not to speak but read for a while out of respect for the fact that his simply being in the driver's seat did not mean that i should necessarily use all 10,000 of my daily words before we made it home)
- taking a left out of our resort in search of a nice restaurant and ending up at a sonic 30 minutes away eating a chili-cheese hot dog in a dress
- discovering that perdido beach resort may actually be an old people resort as evidenced by nightly piano players pounding out showtunes on the lobby baby grand surrounded by sweet swing dancing elderlies

and many more highlights that made our pre-babe (although of course the babe was with us and not very happy that the mizzou-oklahoma game was not on espn) vacation very relaxing, refreshing, and rejuvenating.

and upon arriving home late last evening, we discovered upwards of 30 ladybugs/african beetles/terrors needing to be smashed on our bedroom window. and on our pillows. but such is life.

vacation mode

i tried to make chocolate chip pancakes this morning (and somehow before that point in the morning had already snuck a few kc masterpiece bbq chips.. oops) but they didn't work out so well. i didn't have any chocolate chips, just some divine chocolate that i solidified from fondue a couple of weeks ago which i attempted to chop into chip-sized chunks but it mostly just turned into shavings. and since i didn't think of the chocolatizing of the pancakes until two were already made, i have two normal pancakes and one super chocolaty pancake that tastes good but is not very pretty.

we were out of milk or it would have been grape nuts trail mix.

but anyway.

our next-door neighbor came over this morning and in addition to discovering a linneman secret that only a few people have experienced, which is that when we watch movies, we move our futon to the middle of our family room until it's right in front of the television, requested that one of us go over to his house for the next 30 minutes and watch his 3 month old twins sleep. yes please. sleeping babies are about the most calming thing i can think of so i was over there a couple of minutes later staring at a precious set of babes and wondering how it would feel to know there is not only one full human inside of you but two.

i've realized that by the end of the work-week i require a significant amount of winding down. not having this required time until sunday evening, i found myself antsy and somewhat cranky (although i'm sure i don't have the ability to be actually cranky) until i fell asleep on the futon and more or less pressed the jessie-reset button. i think i'll store that in my parental wisdom bank so that in a few years when our son or daughter doesn't know what to do with themselves, i'll just leave them on the couch until they fall asleep and feel better.

which brings me to the vacation mode of this morning. it's monday, which means the store is closed and i am at home, but it's a special monday because tomorrow we leave for gulf shores, alabama. our pre-babe vacation of fun in the weather.com-predicted sun. today is a day for productivity as i am needing to purchase some snacks and non-perishable food items for the trip, get my bridesmaid dress altered, and deposit my paycheck at the bank. being in vacation mode puts a fun spin on what would normally be a dreadful plan of going to gerbes, having some person tack my dress in where it will need to be and figure out how to fit it over the growing babe bump, and spending any amount of time in usbank. but it's vacation!

consider this my attempt to blog more regularly although reporting of today's events thus far may have been better off not posted..

lots of love.

thoughts on living in a gingerbread house / why jeremy is no longer allowed to leave home without me

oh, lunch break.
how i've earned you today.

it's 2:49 and i have worked the entire morn. seriously. new window displays to entice the masses of t/f viewers, directors, wannabes, etc. takes some time, you know? we had some beautiful displays for valentine's day done by callie that conveniently had some divine chocolate that melted but not beyond the point of salvaging. so that was a plus to the new displays. if i'm forcing myself to work my hours, which shouldn't be as hard as it is, then by golly, i'm going to force myself to take a lunch break as well.

so.

have i mentioned that every time jeremy leaves town, a new critter shows its face to me? the first time was absolutely the worst. he was in st. louis. i, being the overly thoughtful wife that i am, thought that nothing would be better for jeremy to return to than an organized basement. about twenty minutes into this chore, i picked up a box labeled "wedding closet" and felt a cold something drape over my arm. i looked down to see a dead snake that had to be five feet long and probably a boa constrictor at that touching my forearm. it was touching me. the dead snake. touching my arm. i dropped the box, took a split-second to compose myself, grabbed our wedding pictures (because if i'm never returning to the basement again, at least i have our wedding pictures?), and ran up the stairs. after a couple of minutes, i realized that i should have made sure the thing was actually dead or i just know it would have made a way into my bed. upon creeping down the stairs with a broom, the little maybe eight inch long snake was still there, dead from a slow and painful starvation caused by crawling over exposed packing tape and getting stuck.

the next time jeremy left town, a tiny mouse showed up under the stove. megan discovered that one while we were eating breakast. we barricaded it and blocked its only exit from under the stove with a trap. dead by the time i got home that night. still dead in the trap when jeremy got home from louisville later that night. i had to give him the chance to be so very manly and take care of me by disposing of it.

yesterday, jeremy had been on his way to kansas city for about an hour when a friend of the deceased stove mouse showed up in my closet. strangely, even though i saw it run from my shoes to the back corner of the endless closet (our bedroom is a finished attic with sloping walls in the closets), neither of us has made any effort to get rid of the thing. maybe we're immune to the critters by now.

slight sidenote but also the reason jeremy will not leave again without me: he's never seen a mouse, never seen a snake, never seen any living creature in this house but the forty ladybugs he killed this weekend. how is that possible?

in other news, we are going to be leaving town together on tuesday, and despite my fear that our home will be hosting a week-long critter fest, i'm pretty excited for a week in gulf shores. pre-babe vaycay, you know? can't. wait.

this t/f film festival energy is amazing. it's cloudy and cold but humid at the same time (thank you, missouri), but everyone downtown is in a great mood. and great moods plus mustard seed equals out of control fair trade sales. down to three more months here. wow, is this a temporary job? strange that it seems like the first real job i've had yet i'll have it for less than a year when all is said and born. july 7. come quick, babe. yes, i feel you. you move a lot.

also, i've decided that i'm going to spell my parents' last name mcdonald from here on out. we'll see how that goes.

happy thursday!

so anyway

i enjoyed cinnamon blueberry muffins and coffee with jess and finn this morning. as i was driving to work (interestingly enough, i was earlier to work than most days even with a morning hang out) i drove straight down university avenue with college students on both sides of the street. although i wish this drive would have taken place on tuesday (or is it wednesday?) so i could have passed my favorite addsheet woman (tell me.. why two d's?), i couldn't help but think about life in 2009 and life before 2009. my life is pretty funny if i think about it. and i do think about it. i guess changed is a better word than funny. i mean, it's not really that funny.

since 2006, i have married jeremy s. linneman and inherited a last name and a 4runner (which strangely no longer has its distinctive snowman dent on the front bumper). i have worked as a barista, teacher, and store manager. i have lived in country club apartments and in a gingerbread house. i have become a godmother, aunt, and former favorite of ally rose mcdonnell. i have made cheeseless thai chicken pizza and french toast in mass quantities. i have painted my nails about4 times total. i have travelled (do you spell travelled with 2 l's? because i do) to chicago and uganda. oh, and turks & caicos. i have purchased pink shoes. i have joined a church. i have begun to drink coffee. i have seen friendships change.

i don't turn in assignments anymore.
there's a guy with long white hair peering in at our window display.
i've started looking pregnant.
(those three things are not necessarily related rather the order in which i thought about them)

so i don't know.
i don't have a profound conclusion. i was just noticing how different my life is from what it was like when i would wait for the light at the intersection of college and university and go to class and you know, all of that stuff that used to happen. and now i'm in a store. it's 10:22 and yesterday we did $3.25 in sales, $3.50 if you count tax, which you shouldn't because i have to send in a check for tax. and sales tax is different than income tax.

i'm really happy with what life looks like today.
baby finn standing on my legs and putting his fists out. his arms are so short that his hands won't touch above his head. or maybe it's that his head is big?

the phone just rang. nobody there. and then a j-student came in and took my picture. and for three of them i didn't smile. what? sometimes i don't want to. it's just for a project anyway.

okay, i have to go to work now.
love.

mommy ponderings

it's funny to work in a store and be around people who are shopping 40 hours a week and then find myself on saturday night and off for the next 60 hours and not needing to be in a store until tuesday and all i keep thinking about how i want to go shopping. alone. on monday. maybe sunday. we'll see.

and i want to have lunch with my mom. for Christmas, i gave her my favorite thing in the whole store. i kind of feel like a little kid - i'm not sure if you'll like this but it's my favorite thing so the most love i can possibly show you is in me giving it to you. they're these two little owls, officially "treetop buhitos." they're already on my mom's windowsill in st. charles.

but i want to have lunch with her in addition to giving her the owls. i see all these mom and daughter duos shopping all the time and having a wonderful time together and i get a bit, well, nostalgic for the shopping trips that we used to have. the first one that comes to mind was back in fourth grade when i had to stay home from school for two days because i had poison sumac all over my face and i just couldn't face my fellow students in that condition. my mom took me to t.j. maxx and bought me this cute red, white, and blue patchwork jacket. i can remember trying on all of these outfits with her and forgetting that my face was huge and scary until i looked in the mirror and saw myself. there's gotta be a life lesson in that story somewhere.

perhaps i will attempt to quench the lunch with mommy and shopping desires in one trip to the preferred outlets of warrenton, missouri. imo's pizza and gap outlet.. mmm-hmm.

i've heard that pregnant women can get super attached to their moms during this stage of pregnancy. i've also heard that wacky dreams are plentiful, and my dream last night of having not one baby but three was pretty wacky. although a couple of weeks ago i had a dream that barack obama gave a speech in my parents' backyard. that was pretty weird.

in other news, i guess my new year's resolution was pretty newsworthy.. ?

happy 2009!